I met Brandon Flowers once & I will never get over it.
If you want this to work you’re gonna have to do something about it.
Have you ever just been so done you feel as if you’re going to explode.
The worst part of all of this is not knowing how it happened.
One instant, I’m completely fine. Life is going on as it should. Then you receive a message and everything else in life just doesn’t seem to exist.
I never want to forget you. I have the feeling that you were really lonely. I don’t know if you knew God or not but I hope you did, even if it was just a little. Even if you were unsure. I hope you know that He loves you more than the human mind can even fathom. I hope you know how much your absence from earth broke the hearts of so many of us.
I started a new chapter of my life. The best chapter of my life and you were the first person I met on my first day. You called me New Girl and from that point on you made fun of me day in and day out. You made fun of my “Jew curls” and You made me so angry all the time but I couldn’t stay mad at you because that’s the kind of person you were.
Walking into work today I looked at the empty bench twenty feet from the door because that’s where you were permitted to smoke. I remember you trying to get me to smoke after the work meetings before I peeled out of the parking lot and throwing up my peace sign. I remember you doing the same thing making fun of me the next day. You walked me to my car even when I didn’t ask because you didn’t trust people and you wanted to make sure I was safe. You cared about people because that’s the kind of person you are.
You tried to convince the theater we held hands when we went to see Hunger Games and then apologized after everyone asked if we were dating because it was a jerk move. You tricked me into planning a date with you. You brought binoculars when you worked Box Office so you could watch the Playoff game on the tv across the lobby in the bar.
I think there’s a reason I thought of you an hour before I found out. Even though I hadn’t talked to you in three months. A reason why I thought about how I promised you something. I like to think that you were with me somehow in that moment. I found one of your famous drawings at work today. Even though you’re gone, traces of you are still here. In our hearts, memories. It’s weird to think that the memories we shared between just the two of us, only I hold now. Nobody else could recount for that except for me. I am what is keeping the memory alive. I am what makes it real. And it’s important that we keep the memory of you real. Because I will never forget you. You made an impact on my life and that can never be changed. I hope one day I can understand what happened. And most of all…
Most of all, I hope you know that you were loved.
I hope you know that you are loved.